I really am not a bad person...

[kirwoodd]

but cresus jist!
<soapbox>
I belong to many forums; scuba, boat, motorcycle (R1150GS Adventure), blackberry, etc. And EVERYTIME someone posts a "so and so has passed away" message, LOTS of people post a simple
"the deceased and their family are in my thoughts and/or prayers"

***?
How is THAT useful? No seriously, how?
Its much more useful to discuss HOW they died, and how WE will learn from it and NOT die that way. If at the end of a post that will bring value, you want to throw in the obligatory "so sorry, my thoughts are with the family" fine, but an entire post that is JUST that? Don't bother. EVERYONE who reads the post feels that way and you are just clogging up the system.
</soapbox>

[BamaCaveDiver]

How many really close friends have you known that have died while diving kirwoodd? You know, those divers you have come to respect for their knowledge and love for the friendship and commaraderie they have brought to your life; the deaths that make you seriously consider giving up a sport/activity that you dearly love. I don't know about you, but this year has been especially bad for me as a number of close friends perished doing what they loved most in life.

While I agree that the best thing that can come from such deaths is the knowledge that may prevent similar events from claiming more lives in the future, we must also respect the rights of those who were close to the deceased and allow them their space to grieve. Internet based discussions typically lend well to speculation as all the armchair divers come out of the woodwork to offer their opinions on what the diver did wrong. This does not help those who are grieving, especially when you consider the vast lack of knowledge pertaining to the incident under examination, and in most cases, diving knowledge in general, actually possessed by those who assert themselves as experts. This makes the grieving more difficult while also pushing those with the requisite knowledge to avoid jumping in to a cess pool of inuendo and misinformation.

So offer up your condolences to those who are attempting to get past one of the most difficult hurdles life can throw at them, the passing of a dear friend or family member. If there is viable information to be shared, it will eventually come out. The sad fact is that even with all of our advancements in technology, we still can only guess at most of what we think might have happened. This simple act of kindness may not make you safer under water, but it will make getting beyond the tragedy a bit easier for those who actually knew and loved the deceased. Who knows, if your condolences are sincere it might actually make you feel like a better person.

[kirwoodd]

"Jim was a good friend of mine, and I will miss him a lot. My thoughts and prayers are with his family."
Yeah, THAT I understand.
But too many people, who never knew the person, just automatically say that. You never the person and now they are in your thoughts and prayers?
oooo kay.


If MY good friend/mentor/brother passed away and I saw a lot of people who never knew him/her putting in those one liners, I would be upset. But HEY, thats just me.
Maybe other people see that and say "oh, isnt that nice".
<shrug>

[The Publisher]

When BigJetDriver passed away doing what he loved there was a huge outpouring of condolences and remembrances of those who had had a chance to meet him, hang out with him, just talk on the phone and interact online and get helped with their diving issues.

His wife signed up just to read all the condolences and postings of people who had met him over the years that had fond past and current memories and she offered that it was consoling to her to read about all the good memories friends had of him.

As alluded to I agree that many families do not read such condolences, but as shown above, some do....but maybe it is more than a matter of showing respect and decency, it is our way of expressing sorrow, empathy and the whole range of emotions we feel as mortals pushing boundaries that make us all kindred spirits.

[kirwoodd]

Publisher,
I agree. If my brother died, I would LOVE to read rememberances from people who knew him. I am not trying to pick a fight, I am saying that *I* think that its uncool to throw out a half baked "My thoughts are with the family." On the other hand a "I loved that guy and he tought me so much, I will miss him dearly." Is another story, THAT is something that relatives/loved ones would like to hear.

Anyway, who knows, maybe I am wrong, maybe all of those one liners ARE heart felt, and maybe the relatives/loved ones get BIG value from it. Personally, I wouldnt, I would be annoyed.

[acelockco]

Kirwoodd,

I feel ya' on this one bro. It is the same thing when someone sneezes and everyone is obligated to say "god bless you". ***, is that the dumbest thing ever.

I don't think I would have even brought it up as you have, but it crossed my mind earlier today on a post here.

Ace