ScubaMagazine Corporate Mission Statement

[Sarah]

There are 2 Mission Statements we have created. We invite members to vote on either two, or add to either, or come up with a new completely new one;

Here is Version #1:

ScubaMagazine.net Mission Statement

History: Our Publisher was employed by a concern that agreed he could best realize his aspirations by pursuing opportunities outside the company he was with, so his employer invited him to participate in an involuntary employee-right-sizing initiative.

Our Mission is Multidimensional:

1 To ramp up our resource-leveling skill sets and partner with new media companies for value-added, win-win business solutions that leverage our knowledge base to maximize customer take-away.

2. Design this organization as driving customer-centricity to maximize accountability and facilitating fast, smart decision-making while identifying obstructions to the efficient and satisfying flow of information technology and formulating innovative meta-solutions.

3. Assertively leverage other's professional paradigms so that we may quickly utilize high standards in intellectual capital while continuing to continually facilitate standards-compliant structurality.


4. Synergistically provide access to emerging resources in order to competently revolutionize quality leadership skills to solve business problems so that we may dramatically build client-focused catalysts for change in order to interactively disseminate empowered internal or "organic" sources while promoting personal employee empowerment.


Version #2:

We have great ideas

We have only a skeleton staff

We don't have any real budget

We hope to make lots of new friends

We love to dive & just want to have fun!

[Zero]

Have fun. Dont use big words. If its not fun pass it on to someone that wants it and thinks its fun and move on.

Matt

[PinayDiver]

Version 1 sounds like it's shot straight from "CubicleLand" (as Scott Adams' Dilbert comic strip would satirize ), and I'm guessing that was your tongue-in-cheek intent

Version 2 is more in character with the easy-going nature of this forum. You may want to rethink the first line though, which under-represents the value of its creators' and contributors' tweakings/posts. Content is why anyone goes anywhere online after all, and I've read the dive discussions here (especially of the dive professionals) with interest.

[wetwillie]

It is a shame that this forum is moving so slowly, seems like a nice bunch of "real" people that don't have to "show off" and "click"......

[Bubble Maker]

iDiveLawyerChick

To ramp up our resource-leveling skill sets and partner with new media companies for value-added, win-win business solutions that leverage our knowledge base to maximize customer take-away.

I'm voting for version two because it has the word Fun in it
and is a hell of alot easier to Read

Mike

[Sarah]

Glad you guys are seeing the satirical intent of it all.

Lu-Ann twisted my arm, I changed the 1st line to not be self-depracating, but sometimes I just can't resist poking fun at myself. Never do this stuff at 1 a.m. in the morning!

But you're right, I did run across the Dilbert site. Too bad you can't put your own doublespeak in there to modify what they have.

I actualy looked for over an hour at a whole bunch of corporate mission statements and took excerpts from quite a few and just combined them to make them even more incomprehensiible.

I like the first line about History. While researching the text I came across a site where the guys were complaining about all the really lame corporate double-speak terms for firing someone, so I just found more and combined them all: "...invited to participate in an involuntary employee right-sizing initiative" indeed......lol

Anyway, hope you all are getting a good laugh

[rubber chicken]

Well I voted for option 1, IMHO it satisfies all the requirements for a mission statement.
It is dense, verbose, meaningless gibberish which will keep several layers of senior managment occupied for many months thus enabling real work to be achieved without interference!

[Admin]

Seasnake,

SMN was created by a faction of the Illuminati working with members of the Triad Commission operating in conjunction with Sasquatchs, Bigfoots, Chupacabras and the feared Manananggal, all working out of an alien staffed command post in Area 51, and the intent of SMN is to swoop down on all other dive related media as the opening salvo towards eventual total and complete world domination.

Thanks to iDC for being the corporate headhunter and finding a suitable mythical Philippine beast.

[seasnake]

Seasnake,

SMN was created by a faction of the Illuminti working with members of the Triad Commission operating in conjunction with Sasquatchs, Bigfoots, Chupacabras and the feared Manananggal, all working out of an alien staffed command post in Area 51, and the intent of SMN is to swoop down on all other dive related media as the opening salvo towards eventual total and complete world domination.

Thanks to iDC for being the corporate headhunter and finding a suitable mythical Philippine beast.

Now THAT is a cause I can get behind ... lol

[Admin]

SCG,

Ron's questions were answered immediately the day he asked them, just privately.

We thought the "official answer" would be received humorously as it was so over-the-top, but check your PM box.