Talk my way out of Ticket

[lottie]

A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer.
At the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to choose and enter a password -- something he would use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the
shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in "p..e..n..i..s".
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH ***

[Tigerbeach]

The Kindergarten Teacher was in the middle of her lesson and the word lisp came up. "Does anyone know what the word "lisp" means?" she asked?

Little Cindy raised her hand proudly and said "My kitten had a lisp!"
Knowing how sweet these stories could be, the teacher asked Cindy to share her story with the class.

Well, she began, my kitten was exploring in the back yard and she crawled thorough the fence into the neighbors yard. When the neighbors dog ran up to look, the kitten lisped "Fff, Fff, Fff," but before he could say f@#k the dog ate him."

[acelockco]

Can you explain that one to me?

Fff???

lisp? I am confused as hell.

[PinayDiver]

yeah, now that you've got us wondering, can you explain that to us? (reading through it for the 2nd time from my macbook, balancing precariously on my lap, while waiting at kuala lumpur's airport and wondering if it's just the traveling or the midnight hour affecting my comprehension )

[PinayDiver]

hours later, back in manila...

aaah, i get it

...maddening ace even further

lol

[Sarah]

Mac book... I see you have a REAL operating system in OSX.

[PinayDiver]

Hi Sarah! I'm sure you already saw the new iMac

[acelockco]

hours later, back in manila...

aaah, i get it

...maddening ace even further

lol

Can someone eplain this to me PLEASE?

The only thing I could make out of it was that the cat had a studdering problem and not a lisp. Of course that would wreck the joke, so maybe there is something I just don't get.

[PinayDiver]

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much
leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and
leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their
shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and dark side,
and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.

[Daddy-h2O]

don't eat the yellow snow....