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Thread: Talk my way out of Ticket

  1. #21
    Photographer PinayDiver's Avatar
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    Default Legal Talk

    The following questions, which were actually asked of witnesses by lawyers during trials, were published in a journal by the Massachusetts Bar Association:


    Q: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know it until the next morning?


    Q: So the date of conception was 8th August?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at the time?


    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?


    Q: Did he kill you?


    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?


    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at that time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


    Q: Were you alone or by yourself?


    Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
    A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.


    A couple of others, origin unknown:

    Q: Officer, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
    A: Yes.
    Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A: Yes, sir.
    Q: What did she say?
    A: What disco am I at?


    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: About medium height, and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male or a female?
    Lu-Ann G. Fuentes rambles on at http://layas.blogspot.com
    "Today isn't any other day, you know." - Lewis Carroll

  2. #22
    Moderator lottie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by acelockco View Post
    Can someone eplain this to me PLEASE?

    The only thing I could make out of it was that the cat had a studdering problem and not a lisp. Of course that would wreck the joke, so maybe there is something I just don't get.
    When cats are scared are trying to look more menacing, they go "Ffff", show off their canine teeth, arch their back, stick their tail up (and bush it out)....hence the joke

    {well, that's how i saw it anyway}

    Does that help???
    Lottie

  3. #23
    Moderator lottie's Avatar
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    Default Confucius says......

    Confucius say...
    Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

    Confucius say...
    Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly

    Confucius say...
    Better to be pissed off than pissed on

    Confucius say...
    He who walk through airport door sideways, going to Bangkok

    Confucius say...
    Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem, wake up with solution in hand.

    Confucius say...
    Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long

    Confucius say...
    Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak

    Confucius say...
    Girl who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip

    Confucius say...
    Girl who sits on Judges lap gets honourable discharge

    Confucius say...
    Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent

    Confucius say...
    Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants

    Confucius say...
    Squirrel who runs up woman's leg, not find nuts

    Confucius say...
    He who runs behind bus gets exhausted

    Confucius say...
    Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion

    Confucius say...
    Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck

    Confucius say...
    He who fishes in other holes often catches crabs

    Confucius say...
    All women look same in dark.
    Last edited by lottie; 11-22-2007 at 10:58 AM.
    Lottie

  4. #24
    Cave Diver amtrosie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lottie View Post


    Confucius say...
    All women look same in dark.


    Confucius........must have been a Eunuch

  5. #25
    Waterman Tigerbeach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amtrosie View Post
    Confucius........must have been a Eunuch
    Happy Thanksgiving, Eunuch!
    ASW


    "Don't believe everything you think"

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