Well I thought they were funny...enjoy!

* If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
* I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up
with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
* Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
* I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands
on beer cans.
* I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they were
cramming for their finals.
* I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny
spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps
toothpicks?
* Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they
just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen
could look for them while they delivered the mail?
* Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of
portraits by Picasso.
* How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
* If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
are the OTHERS here for?
* STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
* You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
* Clones are people two.
* If a man says something in the woods and there are no women
there, is he still wrong?
* No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?
* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
* Think "honk" if you're telepathic.
* Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
door went nuts.
* If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is
that considered a hostage situation?
* If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
* Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
* If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?