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Thread: Hilarious DIR Stroke Test

  1. #21
    Registered Users Sarah's Avatar
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    Again, and finally, please do to not make this a referendum on the DIR philosophy. If you have issues with DIR, take it up in the rants, meltdowns and beefs forum. DIR proponents are very welcome here, and we don't think THEIR forum section here should be spent constantly defending their position anymore than we would let non-divers come here and constantly harangue divers or open circuit divers constantly poke at rebreather divers.

    Otherwise we will have to lock the thread. Thanks for your understanding!

  2. #22
    Registered Users hbh2oguard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seasnake View Post
    *gasp!* Are you TRYING to get your house burned down?!!?
    Hey now I'm not the only one I was just going to create a "better" style of diving...... my OWN

  3. #23
    Registered Users hbh2oguard's Avatar
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    Woops I guess we better make a new section under rants???

  4. #24
    Registered Users hbh2oguard's Avatar
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    Well I just made a new thread under rants so lets continue there Let them have their peace

  5. #25
    Registered Users Sarah's Avatar
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    Thanks guys!

  6. #26
    Registered Users thalassamania's Avatar
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    Default How to rig your outfit the DIR way.

    With thanks to: Dive Girl: Doin' it Right

    Basics
    Please note: It would be extremely irresponsible, dangerous, and foolish for you to assemble and wear this rig without understanding exactly why you're doing it and what each little detail means.

    Keep it simple

    Too many people today seem under the impression that more is always better. The basic principles of the DIR outfit are this:
    1. Remove all unecessary equipment - take all you need, but only what you need.
    2. Each member of the team should be wearing an identical outfit. This makes it easy to understand each others equipment and in an emergency, kit can be swapped or cross patched.
    Lets look at each item starting from the top.

    Hair

    Almost goes without saying that it should be kept short, no more than 1 inch on top. For easy identification, it should be parted slightly to the left.

    Other styles:

    A French crop would appear to be a suitable alternative at first glance, it presents a number of problems:
    1. A considerable increase in task loading as it requires visiting a decent hair dressers in the first place and then regular maintenance after that.
    2. Usually requires some form of gel/mousse. The use of hair products is strictly for strokes and only serves to increase drag and reduce efficiency.
    Other Syles to Avoid:
    1. Quiff - too much task loading due to the maintenance
    2. Mullet - although popular in Holland and Germany, it really doesn't get any more unfashionable than this. And anyway a hair cut named after a fish? - I ask you.
    3. Curly mop - although it requires no real maintenance there is a distinct likelyhood of being mistaken for Sheck Exley, Rob Palmer or Bill Stone (the horror of it).
    4. Moustache - not strictly a hair cut, you may end up being mistaken for one of the above. It can create an even worse scenario when combined with cropped hair - you just end up looking like one of the Village People.
    Glasses
    Simple wire rimmed are essential as they are light and unobtrousive. Designer glasses are not acceptable because they are too individual and therefore cannot be interchanged with another team member in an emergency.

    T-Shirt

    This is a key part of the outfit and whilst there are many t-shirts on the market, the DIR shirt must have the following criteria:
    1. White Egyptian cotton
    2. Short sleeves - the correct length must be 5 inches - any longer and there is a risk of entanglement, any shorter and there is a risk that they'll look like those cap sleeve T-shirts that were worn in the 70s (thus precipitating a major fashion incident).
    3. T-Shirt markings
    4. The DIR logo on the front should be at least 3 inches high, as you will be instantly recognizable anyway, and there should be no other markings on the T-shirt. Beware of large oversize type as this is dangerously 80s (eg Frankie Says Relax).
    5. The back of the T-shirt should have a much larger logo (at least 12 inches) with the words 'No Strokes' written on it. This will allow you to be clearly seen by other team members who may be looking for you in a conference room or busy pub.
    There is no excuse for incorrect T-shirt markings - although other agencies recommend other sizes and colors it may lead to other team members failing to recognize you.

    Always analyze your T-shirt before wearing it. Picking up a T-shirt from the drawer or the shop without properly checking it first could be dangerous. A recent incident occurred when a Genesis Tour T-shirt was mistakenly bought from a shop (the label hadn't been checked) in the belief that it was actually a bona fide DIR T-shirt.

    Trousers

    Levis regular 501's with the button fly. The key thing about these is that they have the correct number of pockets and most significantly, exactly 5 belt loops of 1 1/2 inch diameter. This standardization allows team members to cross patch their equipment during a major trouser emergency.


    There has been an trend away from jeans and towards combat trousers in the belief that the extra pockets will come in useful. This is wrong. Its just a just fashion thing as the extra pockets creates an atmospheric trapping effect, thus increasing drag.

    Belt

    Brown leather, 1 inch in width. These fit best into the 501's belt loops and stay properly in place. Extras like studs should be avoided as they may snag.

    Shoes

    Timberland desert shoes. Color: sand. Makes for easy identification of other team members and allows for interchangeability if you end up putting your foot in it and ending up on your back-up shoe. Avoid boots as they create drag (especially in thigh length patent leather)

    Shoelaces

    Must not be cross threaded through the islets as they will make removal and replacement difficult in the event of a major shoelace failure.

    Harness

    Leather, rubber, studs - just say no to bondage gear. This is Doin' It Right! (not an S&M convention - though lets face it, easy mistake to make)

    Read the Official DIR response.
    Last edited by thalassamania; 02-21-2008 at 11:15 PM.

  7. #27
    Registered Users Chantelle's Avatar
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    ROFLMAO... How on earth do you find this stuff?

  8. #28
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    Just in case anyone is missing this test, (you get a 404 Not Found as of 2013), the internet archive has the test up still:

    http://web.archive.org/web/201203312...troke_test.pl?

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