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Thread: "Man Laws"

  1. #1
    Registered Users Sarah's Avatar
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    Default "Man Laws"

    Ok guys, let's hear some of your "man laws".

  2. #2
    Registered Users Daddy-h2O's Avatar
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    Men know how to drive cars and trucks with manual transmission!
    "I have a cunning plan..."

    http://www.eoara.org/Home.html

  3. #3
    Wreck Diving Moderator acelockco's Avatar
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    I always thought it was "The Man" that had to do with laws. As you work for The Man, and pay taxes to The Man, you know.

  4. #4
    Registered Users Daddy-h2O's Avatar
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    Once again "The Man" keeping us down!!!
    "I have a cunning plan..."

    http://www.eoara.org/Home.html

  5. #5
    SMN Publisher The Publisher's Avatar
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    From muybueno.net

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth.

    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to crescendo. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nads.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting weights: a) Yeah, Ba-by, Push it! b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have intimacy with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

  6. #6
    Moderator lottie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Publisher View Post
    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
    why??

    Quote Originally Posted by The Publisher View Post
    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
    why???

    Quote Originally Posted by The Publisher View Post
    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have intimacy with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
    Now that explains sooooo much....

    Quote Originally Posted by The Publisher View Post
    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
    why????

    Quote Originally Posted by The Publisher View Post
    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
    why??????

    Thanks
    one confused girlie
    Lottie

  7. #7
    Wreck Diving Moderator acelockco's Avatar
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    Rule 28: No man should ever try to explain the man rules to a woman. And no man should ever need an explination.

    Rul3 29: Spelling does not matter. <-------Period.

  8. #8
    Master of Mask Mold seasnake's Avatar
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    Rule 30: Should any man break any of these rules, due to a moment of weakness, drunkeness, outright stupidity, trying to impress a chick, etc., he is under no obligation to ever reveal the nature of the transgression or the fact that a transgression every occured. This rule is binding until death. However, if the transgressors friends become aware of the infraction by other means, they are well within their rights to tell all his other friends and as a group they may, at their discretion and without limit, razz him about it.

  9. #9
    Wreck Diving Moderator acelockco's Avatar
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    Or he may be flogged or keel hauled depending on the severity of the infraction and the descretion of his friends.

  10. #10
    Waterman Tigerbeach's Avatar
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    Here's a Man law; we don't need to talk about things to "feel better".
    ASW


    "Don't believe everything you think"

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