Expert Teaches You How to Get Eaten by a Great White Shark
Expert Teaches You How to Get Eaten by a Great White Shark
By Andy Wright, Friday, Apr. 30 2010 @ 11:11AM
http://blogs.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/...ow_to_get.php#
Dr. John McCosker, the Senior Scientist and Chair of the Department of Aquatic Biology at the California Academy of Science, presented a talk called "Sharks: Why We Love, Fear, and Need Them" at the museum last night.
The point of his talk, of course, was to condemn the rapid and brutal depletion of shark population worldwide to satisfy a seemingly endless appetite for shark fins. But he also favored the audience with several tongue-in-cheek tips on how to get eaten by a Great White Shark, if that's what you're into.
1. Look Like Food
You should definitely flounder around in a wet suit on top of a surfboard. A shortboard. Because that's how you can best look like a pinniped (such as a seal), which sharks love to eat. The vast majority of unprovoked shark attacks involve people wearing wet suits. And, interestingly, the shift from longboards to shortboards saw an increase in shark attacks, possibly because the smaller boards better resemble a delicious pinniped.
2. Go Swimming in the Red Triangle During the Months of September through November
The Red Triangle is a plot of sea off the Northern Coast of California where Great White Sharks love to hang out and where a number of Great White attacks on humans have taken place. McCosker suggested that if you were really anxious to tangle with a White, the months of August and September might be best, as salmon are swimming down from the Oregon Coast, the pinnipeds are following the salmon, and the Great White Sharks are following the pinipeds. It's like one big, moving buffet. "That would be a really fantastic time," McCosker assured the audience.
3. Be an Abalone Diver off the Farallon Islands
Strangely enough, when McCosker asked the audience if there were any abalone divers present, about five people raised their hands. (Some people knit, others dive for abalone.) Abalone divers sometimes dive to depths of 20 or more feet to obtain the prize meat and when you do that in an area where pinnipeds like to hang out, you're also doing it in an area where Great White Sharks like to hang out. The Farrallon Islands used to be a favorite spot for abalone diving. It's also one of the Great White Sharks favorite places to gather, which is why most people gave up on abalone diving at the Farallons a long time ago. Every time McCosker mentioned being an abalone diver, he chuckled to himself like he'd heard a really hilarious joke he just couldn't get over.
Expounding on shark attacks is a good way to get people in seats, but McCosker's love for the Great White was apparent, and he stressed that despite the tales of gore he was spinning for the audience, the actual numbers of unprovoked shark attacks were spectacularly low when kept in perspective. When he strayed from the sensational topic at hand and launched into a spirited description of how the sharks heat their massive bodies, the eyes of half-drunk squirming hipsters on dates started to glaze over.
"Really, it's fascinating. Just look it up on Wikipedia when you get home," he said. It pays to know your audience.
