Society's burning questions

Well I thought they were funny...enjoy! :D

* If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
* I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up
with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
* Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
* I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands
on beer cans.
* I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they were
cramming for their finals.
* I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny
spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps
toothpicks?
* Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they
just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen
could look for them while they delivered the mail?
* Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of
portraits by Picasso.
* How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
* If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
are the OTHERS here for?
* STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
* You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
* Clones are people two.
* If a man says something in the woods and there are no women
there, is he still wrong?
* No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?
* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
* Think "honk" if you're telepathic.
* Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
door went nuts.
* If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is
that considered a hostage situation?
* If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
* Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
* If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

the first one was great:D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lottie

* I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

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Those 5 out of 4 must not be Asian :p

Thanks for the laugh. I enjoyed reading that.

I have one I keep on my office door, and no one has ever given me a logical answer...

If raisins are dried grapes, and we have grape juice, how then, is it that prunes are dried plums and we have prune juice?

Thanks again,

FD

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fooddude

Thanks for the laugh. I enjoyed reading that.

I have one I keep on my office door, and no one has ever given me a logical answer...

If raisins are dried grapes, and we have grape juice, how then, is it that prunes are dried plums and we have prune juice?

Thanks again,

FD

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Well that didn't bring out the laughter but that a very good question and I don't think there is a good reason unless you know of one??:confused:

because plum juice is nasty!!!

Many years ago, in Africa, I had a day off. I decided to go into town to the market. My driver went with me. I don't know why I had a driver, his driving scared the crap out of me. I never actually let him drive, but he was useful as a translator. I called him "Jones" for Parnelli Jones, or Casey Jones or someone like that since his true name was rather difficult to pronounce.

We explored the market. We found ourselves in a group of stalls where various kinds of meat were displayed. There was meat everywhere. Much if it was bush-meat, that is to say meat from animals that you would not normally think of eating such as monkeys and apes; as well as parts of animals that you'd never really consider eating either such as lungs, and brains and other organs. Some of it was illegal at the time.

I rounded a corner stall there; in front of me, was a small, wizened, old woman. She had a series of smallish, maybe 20 liter wooden barrels in front of her. Each barrel was filled with intact, whole brains. A numerical price was displayed on a cardboard sign affixed to the barrel, as was what appeared to be a description of the animal.

I whistled and motioned Jones over. I pointed at the first barrel. "Monkey brains, boss" he said, "'bout two pounds a kilo." I gestured toward another, "Zebra brains, pound, six a kilo." A third, "Gorilla, five and ten." And so on, we went through the crone's inventory. Toward the end we found, "People brains, forty-five pounds a kilo," and "genius people brains, boss, one hundred, twenty-five pounds a kilo."

I was rather shocked. It is never a good idea to make a scene in a place where you are the only non-native. That can be dangerous. I blurted out to my companion, trying hard to make it seem like an everyday thing, "Um ... one hundred, twenty-five pounds a kilo? Must be really fine brains." He grinned and spoke to the old lady in the lingua fraca, as she replied his grin widened. I asked him what she'd said. He told me, "Lady say no, boss. No good brains." So I asked, "Then why are they so expensive?" He translated, she answered, and he said to me, "No good brains boss, ya know how many geniuses gotta kill for a kilo of brains?"

Needless to say this story may, in fact, only be apocryphal.