"Man Laws"

[Sarah]

Ok guys, let's hear some of your "man laws".

[Daddy-h2O]

Men know how to drive cars and trucks with manual transmission!

[acelockco]

I always thought it was "The Man" that had to do with laws. As you work for The Man, and pay taxes to The Man, you know.

[Daddy-h2O]

Once again "The Man" keeping us down!!!

[The Publisher]

From muybueno.net

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to crescendo. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nads.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting weights: a) Yeah, Ba-by, Push it! b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have intimacy with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

[lottie]

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

why??



14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

why???



23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have intimacy with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

Now that explains sooooo much....



25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

why????



28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
why??????

Thanks
one confused girlie ;);)

[acelockco]

Rule 28: No man should ever try to explain the man rules to a woman. And no man should ever need an explination.

Rul3 29: Spelling does not matter. <-------Period.

[seasnake]

Rule 30: Should any man break any of these rules, due to a moment of weakness, drunkeness, outright stupidity, trying to impress a chick, etc., he is under no obligation to ever reveal the nature of the transgression or the fact that a transgression every occured. This rule is binding until death. However, if the transgressors friends become aware of the infraction by other means, they are well within their rights to tell all his other friends and as a group they may, at their discretion and without limit, razz him about it.

[acelockco]

Or he may be flogged or keel hauled depending on the severity of the infraction and the descretion of his friends.

[Tigerbeach]

Here's a Man law; we don't need to talk about things to "feel better".

[lottie]

Rule 30: Should any man break any of these rules, due to a moment of weakness, drunkeness, outright stupidity, trying to impress a chick, etc., he is under no obligation to ever reveal the nature of the transgression or the fact that a transgression every occured. This rule is binding until death. However, if the transgressors friends become aware of the infraction by other means, they are well within their rights to tell all his other friends and as a group they may, at their discretion and without limit, razz him about it.

erm..can we have that in english or a cliff notes version??

thanks :):):)

[Daddy-h2O]

^When you edit "WoMEN" rules so we can understand. By the way, it makes perfect sense to me

[Tigerbeach]

erm..can we have that in english or a cliff notes version??

thanks :):):)

See rule 28 again.

[The Publisher]

See rule 28 again.

He's talking about man-rule: 28: "There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever."

There's actually an exception to that clause. It reads like: "Not withstanding Man-Law Section 28, ice skating movies like "Blade of Glory" or others that make fun of men's ice skating costumes is an acceptable exception."

[PinayDiver]

At last night's party, I made the mistake of asking a guy (in jest, in jest! and only because he's a pal) if he's gay (nothing wrong with that in any case) on account of his jewelry (earring on the left ear). What does your Man Laws say about jewelry? :D

[The Publisher]

What does your Man Laws say about jewelry?

You must be a rocker with a stable of groupie chicks, or you must be a buffed pro football or basketball player who is just pimping ones self out displaying bling, and you must have never seen BrokeBack Mountain.

[BamaCaveDiver]

At last night's party, I made the mistake of asking a guy (in jest, in jest! and only because he's a pal) if he's gay (nothing wrong with that in any case) on account of his jewelry (earring on the left ear). What does your Man Laws say about jewelry? :D

Left ear pierced = straight
Right ear pierced = gay
Both ears pierced = confused

[littleleemur]

Left ear pierced = straight
Right ear pierced = gay
Both ears pierced = confused

What about piercing in other parts of the anatomy? :confused:

[lottie]

What about piercing in other parts of the anatomy? :confused:

Either they are seriously into S&M in a big way or just confused ;) :eek:

[The Publisher]

LittleLemur,

Such piercings on guys are usually verboten as they would be uncomfortable when "presented" to the woman. Don't you just love euphamisms?

Speaking of right ear piercings Bama, I went through a formal massage school for fun and there was this guy definately not into women named Kip who liked to wear see-through shirts, or mesh shorts so EVERYONE saw his nipple rings. There was always this group tension associated with him silently displaying them to all, and nobody said a word. The tension could be cut with a knife at times, and I just HAD to take advantage of that somehow but good naturedly.

So one day we're all doing class partner practice and he is partnered with the usual guy and I am partnered with the usual woman and the instructor asks if the room is too cold, since our partners have nothing on but a thin sheet partial covering whatever.

So I stated; "If it gets any colder, Kips rings are going to stand up!".

[PinayDiver]

You must be a rocker with a stable of groupie chicks, or you must be a buffed pro football or basketball player who is just pimping ones self out displaying bling, and you must have never seen BrokeBack Mountain.


Left ear pierced = straight
Right ear pierced = gay
Both ears pierced = confused


Seeing that this guy is a buffed diver who likes surrounding himself with female "groupies," who he entertains with a default shtick of acting flamboyantly gay yet mock-threatens to "prove" he's a manly-man to whoever doubts it -- I'd say, "keep us confused" must be a Man Law too :D

[littleleemur]

Seeing that this guy is a buffed diver who likes surrounding himself with female "groupies," who he entertains with a default shtick of acting flamboyantly gay yet mock-threatens to "prove" he's a manly-man to whoever doubts it -- I'd say, "keep us confused" must be a Man Law too :D

And might he also have a peacock tail on his derrier a la Jimmy MacElroy? Or a custom nude sequined wetsuit de Chazz Michaels Michaels? :D

[The Publisher]

This now brings us to Man-Law #30:

The only acceptable association with anything flamboyant is this:

http://www.weichtiere.at/images/weichtiere/kopffuesser/m_pfefferi.jpg

[BamaCaveDiver]

What about piercing in other parts of the anatomy? :confused:

= in need of some serious help/counseling :eek:

[BamaCaveDiver]

Seeing that this guy is a buffed diver who likes surrounding himself with female "groupies," who he entertains with a default shtick of acting flamboyantly gay yet mock-threatens to "prove" he's a manly-man to whoever doubts it -- I'd say, "keep us confused" must be a Man Law too :D

That's the number one rule (but it is unwritten to add to the confusion.) :D

[The Publisher]

Here's a Man law; we don't need to talk about things to "feel better".

This brings us to Man-Law #31: If we don't talk about it, it will go way and become fine.

[lottie]

This brings us to Man-Law #31: If we don't talk about it, it will go way and become fine.
that is just too true.
and to quote Dr Gray (or whoever it was) from his book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" - Men hide in their caves, while women talk.

Very interesting, insightful book and i highly recommend it ;)

[Tigerbeach]

that is just too true.
and to quote Dr Gray (or whoever it was) from his book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" - Men hide in their caves, while women talk.

Very interesting, insightful book and i highly recommend it ;)


Trust me, it isn't just "hiding"; often we are protecting you from the dragon...

[littleleemur]

He's talking about man-rule: 28: "There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever."

There's actually an exception to that clause. It reads like: "Not withstanding Man-Law Section 28, ice skating movies like "Blade of Glory" or others that make fun of men's ice skating costumes is an acceptable exception."



Did anyone watch the Figure skating Championships past Sunday? I have a group of very confused 7yr-old boys that think Johnny Weir is a woman because he's "wearing a dress" that he refers to as a "sparkling onesie":

http://www.daylife.com/photo/03d3dOv8fL93o/Johnny_Weir
http://www.daylife.com/photo/0aqp1Fegop4yM/Johnny_Weir

It's a double-satin off-the-shoulder, deep-V front & back with appliqued marabou feathers and crystal corset straps.

[The Publisher]

Lol, Littlelemur! I just caught some ice skating a second ago flipping through the channels, (man law: an athletic girl clad in a skimpy number was skating -the only time a man can watch ice skating)

And there is this Johnny Weird guy hissing his way through an interview. His outfit confirmed my suspicions. He is not subject to man laws though as he is not a guy.

http://www.foxnews.com/images/273902/0_21_blades_glory.jpg

I would have thought after the "Blades of Glory" guys shown above, men, and I use that term loosley, would get the hint, but as you can see below, apparently some aren't guys.

http://media.npr.org/news/images/2006/feb/15/getty/oly_johnny_weir450.jpghttp://home.comcast.net/~jmitzen/us2005Weir.jpg

[seasnake]

wow, what can you say to those pictures . . . :confused:

[shinek]

Noticed a missing rule, # ..... I've lost count. Anyway, no fruit in beer, I don't care what trendy, marketing exec thought it up, my suspicion is that he (or she) had shares in a lime grove somewhere anyway.
In the words of Burt Reynolds, "why don't you stick an umbrella in it, serve it in a coconut and call in a Beer-a-colada?".

[aerospot]

He's talking about man-rule: 28: "There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever."

There's actually an exception to that clause. It reads like: "Not withstanding Man-Law Section 28, ice skating movies like "Blade of Glory" or others that make fun of men's ice skating costumes is an acceptable exception."

Not sure why you group Mens Gymnastics in with Figure Skating...
At any rate, I ran across this surfing metacafe.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/412867/how_to_shower_men_vs_women/

[acelockco]

Haha,

I have seen that before a while back. I laughed at it then and I laughed at it again while watching it now. It is true for the most part....a bit exagerated but true.

[Tommy_D]

Man Law 30: It's easier to ask for forgiveness after than it is to ask for permission before.